Dearest Biker MC The Complete Series Box Set Page 17

  Nathan didn’t have to deal with any of this. Sure, I didn’t tell him that he was a father, so I really couldn’t hold him responsible. But at the same time, I wondered what he’d do if he knew that he had a child.

  He had to be twenty-three or so by now. He told me at one point during our three day excursion that he was twenty at the time. So, he had been able to live his twenty-first year without the burden of another person depending on him entirely.

  I sighed. It was hard not to think about him – to wonder what had become of him. For all I knew, he could have been killed. Maybe he didn’t even get to live to see his twenty-first year, himself.

  My phone buzzed, and I checked it. Blaze was always talking about his own thing so deeply he didn’t care if I checked a text or two when he was talking, so I didn’t mind taking a peek. It was Khloe.

  Hey, stranger. It’s been too long, and you and I need to hang out. That is all.

  I smiled. I liked how straightforward she was with everything. She, too, however, didn’t have to deal with the same burden in life that I did. It was hard not to have a growing resentment toward the world with all that I had to deal with.

  Soon! Come on over anytime. You know my schedule is free (when I’ve got my daughter).

  She was one of the few people who didn’t mind hanging out with me and Allegra both. She was willing to set aside the party life to hang out, and I was glad for it. At the same time, I didn’t know when I’d be free to just hang out with her again.

  I had to work. I had to make ends meet. I had to make sure my daughter was taken care of more than myself. That was life.

  “Everything alright?” Blaze’s voice cut into my thoughts, and I quickly put my phone away with a smile.

  “Yeah, sorry. I was just checking in with Khloe,” I said.

  “You should hang out with her. It’s been a while since I’ve heard you talk about how she’s doing,” he said. He didn’t want me to end up the old woman trapped in a young woman’s body, so he often encouraged me to get out with friends.

  “I will,” I promised. I didn’t know when I’d make good on that promise, but I knew it was easier to promise I’d do it than to explain to him yet again why I couldn’t.

  “Good,” he said with a smile. He launched back into his admiration of our MC, and I put my phone away, watching Allegra eat her ice cream. I didn’t mind listening to him ramble, it was just hard for me to pay attention when I didn’t care that much.

  But, he cared enough to ask me about my friends, so I should show him the same gesture.

  Even if he was talking about a club I blamed for my life being so hard. It was our family’s place in society, and there wasn’t anything I could do to change that. Just like my situation in life, and the challenges I faced, I had to do my best.

  But it was so. Fucking. Hard.

  5

  Nathan

  I sat straight up in bed, my dream fading quickly. It was another wet dream. I’d had many of them since I saw Jenna online. She had been on my mind almost constantly, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I kept reliving those three days that she and I had spent together, yearning for more time.

  But, there were so many obstacles that stood in the way. I didn’t know a thing about her these days. She was clearly part of the Enemy MC. She had ridden in the charity. Who was this kid that was in the photo with her? I wondered. She was at a children’s hospital, so it was feasible that it was one of the children who had been helped by the ride.

  The staff had given us the option to go say hey to the patients who were there, but I hadn’t wanted to. I didn’t want to tell the kids why I only had one arm, and I didn’t want the pity from the staff members in the process.

  Then again, how could someone like Jenna still be single? She had been amazing. Perfect. She had been everything that I had ever wanted in a woman, though even at the time I hadn’t considered there ever being more between us.

  All I knew was that I wanted to meet her again, and now that I saw her online, I knew she was still around. But, her profile on all social media was locked down. She didn’t share where she lived, she didn’t share whether she was with someone…she didn’t share a goddamn thing that I found helpful.

  The only thing I could do was to go see her myself. And, I had half a mind to do it. I just didn’t know if that was the most stupid thing I could do or not. Part of me knew that it was a bad idea. Part of me felt like a real hypocrite. Hell, I was still pissed off with Zach for what he had done to the MC.

  Then again, there was a part of me that wanted to use Zach as an excuse. He had gotten away with it and things had turned out fine, so why couldn’t I? It was all so frustrating, and it only added to the angst I felt because of my arm.

  What would Jenna think of the fact that I only had one arm these days? What would she have to say about that? What would she do? Would she still find me as attractive as she had when we were together before? Would she even give me the time of day – especially if she had a man with all his limbs?

  I sighed. The only thing I could do would be to get advice. And the only person I knew who would give me sound advice was Isaac.

  He and I had reconnected after I got out of the military. He was one of the only reasons I was still as relatively sane as I was. He didn’t care that I lost an arm, and almost in a gesture of parental care, he told me he thought it was badass that I had.

  I didn’t buy it for one second, but I appreciated the fact that he was trying.

  With a sigh, I picked up my phone. He was reliable. I knew no matter what he was doing, he was bound to answer on the first ring.

  And, I was right.

  “What do you want?” he asked, feigning annoyance.

  “I need your advice,” I said, cutting right to the chase.

  “Duh, I figured out that when you called me, dipshit,” he said. He was rough around the edges, even now. I liked it. I didn’t want anyone to coddle me for any reason, I didn’t care what that reason may be.

  “I saw that girl again,” I said.

  “Who?” he asked.

  “You know, that girl,” I emphasized the words.

  “Oh. Where?”

  “She was online, I saw her picture, I should say. And now, I can’t get her out of my brain, and I want to go see her,” I said.

  “Doesn’t she live down south?” he asked. “I mean, I’m always down to make the ride, but you know that’s a bit rough these days.”

  “It’s not just that that’s my problem,” I said. “She’s one of them.”

  “Shit, dude, not another one!” he exclaimed. I didn’t even have to elaborate on what I meant. He had even teased me about it after the weekend we spent together, telling me that I probably just fucked the brains out of an Enemy.

  “How the hell was I supposed to know? I told her that I was a Flag before we even started making out, and she didn’t say a word!” I defended myself.

  “I’m getting the impression they must like us more than they let on. At least, the women do,” he said with a sigh. “Anyway, what are you going to do now?”

  “Try to figure out how the hell I’m going to get away with seeing her,” I said. “I can’t keep going on pretending like I don’t care or I don’t want to. She’s been on my brain ever since I saw that pic.”

  “Do you really think that’s a great idea?” I could hear in his tone that he did not.

  “I don’t think any of this is a good idea, but you know that it worked out for Zach, so why can’t it work out for me?”

  “Zach is also in line for being the leader. Don’t you think that he’s going to get some sort of waiver?” Isaac replied.

  “His dad didn’t seem to think so,” I said. “And, look how that turned out.”

  “That’s my point,” Isaac replied. “It wasn’t great for him, and I’d hate to think what it would mean for you.”

  I sighed. This conversation wasn’t going as well as I had hoped. I knew Isaac would be reasonable abo
ut this, and he was. That was part of the problem. But, there was part of me that didn’t want him to be reasonable. I wanted him to tell me to go for it, but he was telling me that it wasn’t the greatest idea.

  There were times when I didn’t want to make the right decision. I wanted someone else to tell me to do the wrong thing so I didn’t feel as stupid when I did it.

  “I’ll tell you what,” he said. “Talk to Zach about it.”

  “What? Fuck you. That’s the last thing I’m going to do!” I snapped.

  “He’s a good person to ask,” Isaac said. I could hear in his tone he wasn’t asking me to talk to our friend. He was telling me.

  “I don’t want Zach to know a damn thing about any of this!” I said. “Look, I’m going to figure it out, okay?”

  “Don’t be stupid,” Isaac warned. He wasn’t going to lecture me, and we wrapped up the conversation. But, I’d already made up my mind. I wasn’t going to let him or anyone else tell me that I couldn’t go find this girl. I knew I had to talk to her, even if it was to learn that she didn’t want anything to do with me.

  I got up and showered, then got dressed. After grabbing a quick breakfast, I headed out and hopped on my bike. But, before I was able to head out, Zach pulled up. There was a knot in my stomach as he got off his own bike and walked toward me.

  We hadn’t really talked since the day I yelled at him about Vanessa. Though I had told his father that I wanted him to be back in the MC, I didn’t really make any effort to make amends.

  “Hop off of there, we need to talk,” he said when he reached me. “Isaac called me.”

  Fucker! I thought. I wanted to strangle my best friend, but I obeyed Zach.

  “Listen, if you’re going to tell me that I can’t go down there, I’m not going to listen,” I said.

  “That’s not what I’m going to tell you,” he replied simply. “I’m here to tell you to be careful.”

  I looked at him in surprise. “What?”

  “I said, I’m here to tell you to be careful,” he repeated. “Isaac pointed out that you think of me when you think that this is a good idea, and I’m telling you, though Vanessa was one of the best things in the world to ever happen to me, I wouldn’t recommend going about picking up women that way.”

  I said nothing, and he continued. “There was a lot of uncertainty and fear when it came to the two of us, and I’m surprised that it worked out as well as it did. You know how many things might have gone wrong.”

  “But it worked out,” I said. “I’m willing to take the risk for this woman.”

  “You say that, but when you’re faced with losing everything for the sake of a woman, things are a little different. She’s going to have to feel the same for you if you have even a prayer of this working. Does she?”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I haven’t seen her in a long time. But that night was so amazing, I want to see if there really was something there.”

  He sighed. “I know the feeling.”

  “Well?” I asked impatiently.

  “Look, things have been better between the MCs since me and Vanessa have gotten together, but that doesn’t mean they can’t go bad fast. Promise me that if you are going to do this, you are going to be respectful of Marcus, and you’re going to be careful, okay?” he said.

  I hated the idea. I hated Marcus. The last thing I wanted was to show that guy an ounce of respect. At the same time, I knew Zach was right. I took a deep breath. He hadn’t come to tell me no, but he didn’t make it easy, either.

  Then again, none of this was going to be easy, and if I wanted it to happen, I was going to have to fight for it.

  “Okay,” I said at last. “I promise.”

  6

  Jenna

  “I think the food here is getting shittier by the visit,” Khloe said when we sat on the lawn outside the local soup shack.

  “Language! Please!” I scolded.

  “Sorry. It was easier when she didn’t know how to talk,” Khloe said as she rolled her eyes.

  “It’s going to be easier again when she’s old enough not to use such words,” I said. “But until then, she just parrots the most inappropriate words. I don’t get how they naturally know which ones they shouldn’t say.”

  “Perhaps it’s the emphasis when we say them. Makes it stick more,” Khloe shrugged. “Either way, it’s habit.”

  “It is for me, too. Try growing up being raised by a biker in a group of bikers. And, her biker uncle cusses like a sailor, too,” I said. “He’s doing better around her, but it does take some reminders.”

  “Technically, her father was a sailor, so it might just be in her blood,” Khloe said. I rolled my eyes. She did have a point. Then again, he wasn’t technically a sailor at the time we slept together, so did it count?

  “Anyway, let’s eat. I’m starving,” I said. It was Friday, and I was glad for the chance to meet my best friend for lunch. I only worked half days on Friday, so that often became the day that I did most of my socializing. That being said, Khloe was the extent of most of my socializing, too.

  I broke off bits of the grilled cheese sandwich and gave them to Allegra, who happily babbled on about nothing as she munched away. I was glad she was a happy baby overall. It made it a lot easier than those poor mothers I met at her daycare who complained that their kids cried all the time.

  At least, I didn’t have to try to constantly figure out what was wrong with her.

  “How is Blaze, anyway?” Khloe asked. I wanted to roll my eyes. She’d had a crush on my older brother ever since she and I had become friends in middle school. It was annoying when she asked about him, especially because she never made a move.

  Not that I wanted the two of them to get together, but I didn’t understand why she didn’t just make a move. If she really wanted him or found him to be that attractive, why not do something about it?

  “He’s fine,” I said.

  “Still single?” she pressed.

  “I could give him your number and let him tell you that,” I offered.

  “No!” she said quickly. “You better not. I’d die if you did.”

  “Why? He’s your type. Emotionally unavailable, broody, the kind of guy who likes to hit it and split it,” I said with a dry tone to my voice. “Isn’t that how you like them?”

  “You’re cute,” she said with a shake of her head. “Nice way to promote the happiness of your brother and best friend.”

  “I mean, I’m not a matchmaker. I’ve got my hands full, if you haven’t noticed,” I nodded toward Allegra.

  “I know you do, I’m just teasing. He’s forever going to be in my book one of those I wanted but could never have. Now it would just be weird,” she said.

  “Why?” I asked with another laugh. “Because of me?”

  “That’s why it would always be weird!” Khloe shook her head. She wanted a relationship a lot more than I did, and she wasn’t afraid to show it. But, I wasn’t going to help her get my brother. If she wanted him that bad, she was welcome to get him.

  “I’ll tell him you asked,” I said. She gave me a look and I merely shrugged. I liked to give her a hard time about my brother, and I got the impression she liked it more than she let on. I liked to watch her squirm, anyway.

  “Allegra’s getting so big. I can’t believe how much she’s grown since just the last time I saw her!” Khloe clearly felt it best to change the subject. Things were starting to get rather uncomfortable for her, and I was sure she didn’t want too much of her dirty laundry to come to light.

  “I know. Try keeping up with her. Everything. Food. Laundry. Just her as a person. I mean, I turn around for a second and she’s just gone!” I shook my head. “But things are going to get easier. Some of my mommy friends I talk to at her daycare tell me that their kids always got easier the older they got. I’m afraid that’s when she’s going to start having a mind of her own.”

  “Tell me about it,” Khloe said. “I feel sorry for what I put my mother
through. Then again, I think I would rather argue with my kid about what they were going to eat or wear than have to worry that they were going to die every time I was gone for more than an hour.”

  “That’s not exactly something you want to tell a mother,” I said with a laugh. “But I know what you mean.”

  “Sorry. I just don’t know how you do it, that’s all,” she said quickly.

  “You just, do it,” I said slowly. I wasn’t sure how I did, either. I looked around the lawn. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the air was crisp despite the fact it was hot, and there were several other picnickers out on the grass with us.

  Every now and then, someone would walk up the sidewalk, but my heart nearly stopped when I saw him.

  Nathan.

  “Oh my God!” I gasped. My mouth fell open, and Khloe looked first at me, then towards the sidewalk. There was no hiding the expression on her face, either. I wasn’t sure if Nathan would have recognized me if he merely saw me on the lawn with my friend, but with the obvious looks of shock on both our faces, I could see that he remembered me.

  He walked up the sidewalk and onto the lawn, and I wanted to run. I didn’t know what to say to him. Through the years, so many things had come to mind, but I never thought I would actually be faced with this sort of scenario.

  “Hey,” he said when he stopped at the blanket we were sitting on. “Remember me?”

  “Of course,” I said, fighting for composure. “You remember Nathan, don’t you?”

  “Yeah,” Khloe said. She seemed uncertain as to whether she ought to take Allegra and go, or if she should leave me to fend for myself. Then again, I was sure there was a part of her that wondered if she should leave me, at all. This was so unexpected, and I was sure my face was white as a ghost.

  “You know what? I think I’m going to refresh our drinks. Do you want more?” she asked me.

  “Yeah, that would be great,” I said. “Thanks.”