Dearest Biker MC The Complete Series Box Set Page 48
But, she had been in prison. There was a number of different scenarios that might make her a target for someone. Hell, for all I knew, that man who touched her might be after her now, not wanting her to talk about what happened.
Why not give Roscoe a call and see what you can dig up on the bastard? You might be able to piece together something that would make sense. Then, you can figure out how to end this and keep them away from her.
But if he wanted her dead, then why didn’t he do something to her when she was still in? I’ve seen it happen more than once. There are convenient “accidents” that happen to the inmates when the guards don’t want them to talk.
Fuck, I wish I knew more about her. But getting her to talk is like getting someone who’s been through Hell to describe their experience. I want to know what happened, but I’m not sure I want to put her back in that position.
It was true. I hadn’t wanted to talk about my experience when I got out. It had been too painful. Too much shit had gone on that I wanted to forget. I didn’t want to bring back memories for her that were best left in the past.
But then, if she were to open up even a little, I might be able to figure out a solution to this problem. Hell, it was worth a shot, if I could just get her to cooperate.
I sighed. The only good thing I could see at the moment was the fact that she had picked out a few things she wanted for dinner. I could make something that wasn’t breakfast food for her today, which was a plus. I was a passable cook at best, but I wanted to impress her.
She had been surviving on the shittiest food on the planet as far as I was concerned, and it was time for her to get something better in her system. If anything, it was going to make her feel better. She was already running on high alert, she didn’t need to be doing that on an empty tank.
I pulled out the pasta and the spaghetti sauce, then dutifully pulled up a recipe online. She had mentioned when we were grocery shopping that she loved lasagna, and it had been a long time since she’d gotten to have it. I’d never made the stuff in my life, and I wanted to surprise her with one of her favorite things.
So, I was going to work through the recipe and do my best, hopefully putting together something that was good enough to give her by the time I was done. I had already decided to make lasagna that morning when she said it was what she wanted, so I knew I was going to have to start dinner a little on the early side.
It was nice to have her asleep in the other room. I could work through the recipe without her watchful eye, and I could surprise her when she got up. And with the ice cream in the freezer, I had a feeling we were going to have a really good night.
You can suggest that the two of you put on a movie after you eat. You’ve already gotten the sex out of the way, so why not focus on just cuddling with her and letting her know that you’re there for her?
She’s going to need so much more touch in her life than just sexual, especially if she’s going to come back into society and live a better life than before. You want to help her get over the life she was living that landed her in prison in the first place, so make sure she knows what she deserves.
Hell, it’s almost a good thing you don’t have to worry about her family. She’s been through enough shit, and they clearly aren’t helping. Now, you can show her the right way to go in life, and she can have a fighting chance of being not only normal, but successful.
Even if that means you aren’t going to get to keep her for yourself, you’re going to have the satisfaction of knowing she’s safe and happy – finally able to live a life she really deserves, in spite of the shit she’s been through.
I hated to think about the future. I didn’t want to think about what was going to happen when she was on her feet and able to take care of herself. Sure, I wanted that for her. I wanted her to be happy and feel secure in life. Hell, I wanted to see her succeed and get some money under her belt, too.
But, I didn’t like thinking about her not needing me anymore. The sex we’d had had been so amazing, and the way she made me feel was unlike any other woman had. I didn’t want to think about letting that go. Fuck, I didn’t want to think about letting her go.
Everything about the situation hurt, and I hated to know that it was coming. It was only a matter of time before it happened. But, for now, I was going to do everything in my power to make her as comfortable as possible.
I followed the recipe as best as I could, then I assembled the lasagna and put it in the oven. It was going to take a while for the thing to cook, but it would be done and ready for her by the time she woke. At least, that had been the plan.
When I heard cries coming from the bedroom, I dropped what I was doing and ran back there as fast as I could. She was still on the bed, thrashing about in the throes of a nightmare.
“Hey, hey, wake up! Wake up!” I said as I hurried back to the bed and took her in my arms again. She fought me at first, but as she opened her eyes, her struggles ceased and she looked around the room with confusion and fear etched into her beautiful features.
“You were having a nightmare,” I said. She looked at me, down at the bed, then back again. Then, without warning, she burst into tears.
“It was terrible,” she said. “I’ve been having the same nightmare since it happened, and I can’t get rid of it. It’s always going to haunt me. I’m never going to get over it.”
I held her as she sobbed into my chest, rubbing my hand up and down her back as she spoke. I knew what it was like having flashback nightmares. They had haunted me for quite some time. But, I didn’t expect her to open up to me about what had happened.
The words came pouring out. She had been in the shower when one of the guards had cornered her. She had tried to fight back, but he threatened to put her in the hole for a month if she didn’t let him do exactly what he wanted to her.
He had raped her, and she had to take it. Not only take it, but stay silent about it. The thought made me sick to my stomach, and I didn’t want to hear any more of the details. But, I would sit through it all and let her get her story out. I would let her know I was there for her and no one was ever going to touch her that way again.
By the time she had finished, she had dried her eyes and sighed. “But that’s prison, isn’t it?”
“Dinner’s almost ready,” I said. I didn’t want to talk about it. I knew there wasn’t any way that I could without turning murderous. I wanted that man dead. Hell, I hoped I’d run into him one day to make sure it happened.
And now, the fact that she had been nearly killed in the street made sense. Warden Park and many of the guards in the prison were corrupt, and they didn’t want her to start talking. But, they had messed with the wrong woman, and I was out for them.
I couldn’t go there and do anything, but I sure as hell could take my revenge if I found any of them out on the street – even better if they were to try to do something to Brooke again.
Those men might have taken advantage of her before – one physically, the rest through bullying - but I wasn’t going to let that happen again. Fuck, I’d kill them all if I had to in order to keep her safe. I didn’t care.
They had pissed off the wrong man.
12
Brooke
I didn’t know why I told Spencer everything. Once the words started, they just kept coming. I wanted to stop them, but I couldn’t. They flew out of my mouth faster than I realized, and before I knew it, I’d told him exactly what had happened to me in the showers.
The nightmare I’d had was almost an exact replay of what had happened to me that day. I remembered everything so vividly, I could almost smell the water and soap in the showers and feel his skin pressed against mine. The memory gave me chills, and I tasted bile.
Spencer didn’t say anything while I told him about the rape. He sat on the bed, holding me in his arms and stroking my back with his hand. I sobbed through part of the story, and I was able to hang onto my emotions through other parts. But by the time I’d finished, I felt almost
as though I was talking about someone else.
I didn’t know what I wanted him to say. Something, anything really. But he merely stroked my arm, his body rigid and his face cold. There was an anger in his eyes that lit a spark in me. He clearly cared for me, and hearing what had happened filled him with a rage that sent chills down my spine.
He told me he was going to check on dinner, but I didn’t want to try to sleep again. I didn’t want there to be any chance of those memories coming back.
“Mind if I come out?” I asked.
“Why don’t you take a hot shower?” he suggested. “Wash away some of that dream.”
I nodded. It did sound nice. The bath I’d taken the night before had been nice, too. It had been just what I needed to wash away the events of the day. Just like a shower would now. Sure, it wasn’t going to erase what had happened, but I knew it would help to ground me in the present moment.
“Is it always going to be this way?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” He was in the doorway, leaving for the kitchen.
“Am I always going to fight with these nightmares and wake up in a pool of sweat?” I asked with a cracking voice.
“For a while,” Spencer replied. “Those were things that I had to work through when I first got out, too. But they fade with time, and you’ll be back to your old self again.”
“I’m not sure I want to get back to my old self,” I said with a shake of my head. “She isn’t the person I want to be anymore.”
“You know what I mean,” he said with a smile. “The person who lives inside you isn’t gone. She just made some bad choices for a while. You’re going to do better, I know you will. Just give yourself time, be nice to yourself, and you’ll get through this. Trust me.”
I nodded again. I knew I had to trust him. Hell, I knew I could trust him. Spencer had been through all that I had been. Maybe not exactly, but he had been through most of the same trauma in his own way. He had to get back to real life when he came out of it, and I now had to.
If it was going to take time to work through those nightmares, I was willing to work around it, but I didn’t like it, not one bit. I hated to think that I would have more of them, and it was a gamble every time I went to bed. But, I knew the only other option I had was to turn to sleeping pills or other things that would knock me out too much to dream.
And considering the life I’d been living before, I didn’t want to do that, either. I had to keep my life under control this time. There were many times in the past when I said I was going to change, and I never did. This time, things were going to be different. This time, I was going to stay on top of my life and make sure I didn’t slip back into my old ways.
Things were just getting worse as time went on, and I didn’t want to wind up back in prison, or even dead. If I was going to turn my life around, I was going to have to be careful of the choices I made now. Even if I did want to drown it all out.
Spencer went into the kitchen to check on dinner, while I headed to the bathroom. I was struck with how good it smelled as I walked through the living room, but I didn’t linger. I wanted to get through the shower and be better when I was done.
I didn’t like it when he saw me as a wreck. Hell, he had to think that I was some helpless woman who couldn’t function without him. That wasn’t who I was, and I didn’t like looking that way. I was going to pull through this, that was for damn sure.
I had to.
After my shower, I headed back to the bedroom to find that he’d gotten in the bag of clothes Vanessa had gotten me and laid out a dress on the bed. I smiled. It felt good to have someone care about me. Sliding the dress over my head, I closed my eyes, taking in the moment.
It felt really good against my skin, and seeing myself in the mirror, I felt really good flaunting it. I was a woman, proud and tall. I felt attractive, and I loved it.
Heading out into the kitchen, I stopped short when I saw the table. Spencer had laid everything out nicely, pouring each of us a glass of wine and lighting two candles.
“I thought you might like a treat,” he said. “Sorry, I’m not much of a chef.”
He set out the lasagna and garlic bread, and I shook my head. I fought the tears forming in my eyes. I couldn’t believe this was all real. Here was a man who cooked for me, took care of me, and made sure I was safe. There had been so many men in my past who had thrown out a few dollars for bagged fast food and expected me to give them head – then there was Spencer.
“It looks amazing,” I said, my voice barely more than a whisper. “Really. Thank you.”
“I’m glad you like it,” he said. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that nightmare.”
I shook my head. “We all have them.”
“But yours aren’t going to be pleasant for a while. Not that they ever are, but it’s harder when they’re memories,” he said.
I nodded, my throat constricting. It was hard to be around someone who understood me so well. Even in prison, my cellmate didn’t get me nearly as well as Spencer did. She’d be there for me, she’d try to understand the things I said, but she didn’t fully understand.
With Spencer, I felt like I could tell him anything, and he would get it. He had been there himself in many ways, and he wanted to help me get through it. He didn’t want to fight for the hierarchy, he wanted to lift me up. And I was so exhausted, I was more than happy to let him be the one to do it.
He pulled the chair out for me, and I smiled as I sat down. This felt like a date. I didn’t want to let my mind go there, but it truly did. Hell, it was complete with the candles on the table. What else could it be? I thought. We’d slept together, and there was an undeniable connection between us. Maybe he did think there could be something more there than just helping me get through this.
Stop it! Nothing is going to get you in more trouble than thinking there is something more between the two of you. He is helping you because he’s a good guy. It was Roscoe’s idea in the first place, so don’t start thinking that Spencer’s going to have any sort of feelings for you.
Hell, with the way you act, he probably feels sorry for you like a puppy dog and doesn’t want to see you lost in the world. You need to pull your head out of your ass and start acting like you have your shit together.
“Are you alright?” he asked. “You’re a million miles away.”
I forced a smile. I hated that I would slip into my own world even when he was around. “Yes, I’m fine. Sorry, I was just a little overwhelmed with all the work you put into dinner. You should have let me help.”
“I wanted to surprise you,” he said with a smile. “You said this was your favorite.”
“It is,” I grinned.
Spencer sat down as I promised myself to try to be natural, but then we were interrupted by a knock at the door.
“Who the hell?” he muttered as he got up and headed for the door. My heart raced. I didn’t like being so paranoid, but I couldn’t help but wonder if there was someone coming for me. There wasn’t any reason to feel that way. But, after spending as much time as I did having to watch my own back, the thought was still in the back of my mind.
The voice of an obviously drunk man slurred into the hall, and my curiosity got the best of me. How could a drunk make it all the way out here? We were a far cry from most of the bars in town, and there wasn’t anything for him to be asking for. At least, not that I knew of.
“I’m in the middle of something!” Spencer was saying as I made my way to the hall and peered around the corner. The man at the door was dressed in the same jacket as Spencer. He had to be another member of the MC.
“Who’s that?” the man asked as he nodded toward me. Spencer turned slightly, but I ducked behind the wall and headed back to the table.
“It’s someone I’m helping. Now, get the fuck out of here,” Spencer’s voice came through the hall. I heard the man reply, but I couldn’t make out what he said. Clearly, Spencer knew who he was, and he didn’t seem threatened. Annoy
ed, more than anything, I’d say.
I had so many questions, but there was a bit of relief knowing that this man had to be at least somewhat harmless. At least, he was harmless toward me. I didn’t know what he had to do with Spencer. All I wanted was for him to go away and not worry about it.
After being locked up for so long, I had become increasingly less social. I didn’t want anything to do with anyone. Spencer had become the exception, and I wanted to keep it that way.
Realistically, there wasn’t a chance I could go through life like that. But, I would push for it as long as I could. I just didn’t know how long I could make it last. Hell, with this guy at the door, we might be having company tonight, and I didn’t want that, either.
I sat with my hands folded on my lap, waiting for Spencer to come back and tell me everything was okay. He would take care of this. He’d take care of that man, whoever he was, and things would be fine once more.
Spencer was here. And as long as he was around, I knew I was safe.
No matter what.
13
Spencer
Never in my life had I wanted to punch Aaron so bad. Best friend or not, now wasn’t the best time for him to show up at my door. Let alone drunk. I had wanted to punch him several times over the past few months. The worse his alcoholism got, the less tolerance I had for him.
Of course, I tried to be understanding. As much as I could be, anyway. He had told me more than once some of the shit that he’d gone through when he was in the military, and I didn’t blame him for turning to the bottle to drown out some of that pain.
But, he had taken it to an extreme, and I wanted to shake him. He had to get this shit under control, there was no other way around it. My best friend was drinking himself into an early grave, and no matter how hard I tried to yank him out of it, he wouldn’t listen.
This was something he was going to have to figure out on his own, but with the way he was going, he would lose all his friends before he did. Hell, I was on the verge of telling him to get out of my life until he went to rehab or got some other kind of help, but I had a hard time giving up on anyone.