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  I closed my eyes and held Zach close, more than ready to get to his apartment.

  It was nearly eleven by the time we arrived, and I was exhausted. But, I dutifully sent Lynne a text to let her know I made it as I followed Zach down the hall and through the door. I was glad we got there under the cover of darkness. Though we had both agreed it would be a bad idea for me to stay over before, I was glad that we were together now.

  Tonight, I just needed to be with Zach, and I had a sneaking suspicion he felt the same way.

  I slipped into his bed and laid my head on the pillow, glad that I was free and clear of my father, at least for the moment. If I was going to have a complete breakdown, I didn’t want it to be in front of him, and I worried that it might be.

  But now, Zach stripped down and slid into bed behind me, wrapping his arm around me and kissing my neck. “Get some sleep, we can talk in the morning.”

  I put my hand over his, holding his arm over my heart. For the first time in a long time, I felt safe. No one could touch me when I was here with Zach, that was for damn sure.

  But for now, I didn’t even have to think about any of them. For now, I had Zach, and he had me. We were together.

  If only this moment could last forever.

  19

  Zach

  I pulled my phone out from under the pillow. I’d meant to text my father the night before and tell him something had come up, but before I was able to form the message in my mind, I fell asleep. It was now nearly noon, and I should have been at the ride already.

  They would have started by now, and I knew there wouldn’t be any way I’d make it on time. He was going to be pissed.

  Fuck.

  But, I couldn’t say that I was sorry about missing the right for the reason that I had, either. He had plenty of other guys who were there to support him and the cause. I knew just me missing wouldn’t be enough to damage any of the donations. Not to mention, I was curious to know what Marcus was doing right now.

  He would have to know that his daughter had checked out of the hospital, but I also knew that due to patient privacy, there was no way he’d get any information out of the nurses. Not to mention, Lynne didn’t know where I lived.

  She could even tell him straight up that Vanessa had left with me, but he wouldn’t know where to start looking for her. Not that Lynne would do so, but I knew my tracks were covered, at least for the moment.

  But, I had to face the music at one point or another. My father was bound to be pissed, and I had to tell him why I wasn’t there, even if I didn’t come straight forward and tell him.

  Sorry I missed the ride, Dad. I wanted to be there, but something came up in my personal life. I hope you did well.

  I hit send, then carefully slid out from under Vanessa. She was still asleep, and I didn’t want to bother her. I headed to the kitchen when I got the reply.

  Where were you, fucker? You said you’d be there. Do you have any idea how this looks?

  I sighed. I didn’t think I was going to get off the hook that easily, but I didn’t think he was going to be this mad, either. I sat down at the kitchen table for a moment, deciding what to say in return. Finally, I just typed.

  I’m sorry. I told you that this is something personal. I’ll make it up to you somehow. But I can’t tell you what’s going on right now, so please just leave it.

  I’d long since learned how to deal with my dad when he got this way. All I had to do was tell him to leave the subject, and he would. He knew better than to press it. If there was one thing I appreciated about our dynamic, it was the fact that he respected me being an adult, and treated me as such.

  I put my phone in my pocket and sighed. Vanessa’s purse was sitting on the counter, and I wanted to know what those pamphlets her friend shoved inside said. I had no idea how to handle the concept of an eating disorder. I knew they existed, and I had several friends in my life who suffered from them over the years, but that didn’t change the fact that I’d never directly had to deal with one.

  And, the thought of this woman whom I loved having one drove me crazy. I wanted to help her. I wanted to find out why she had one, and figure out what we could do to stop it. This idea felt like some sort of monster that had a grip on her, choking her and preventing her from being the person she wanted to be.

  But, I also knew I had to be careful. I didn’t want to say or do anything that would cause her any sort of trouble. She was clearly already struggling, but I didn’t know how to make that any better. I wished she’d said something about it, but there was no changing that now.

  I knew what was going on, now I had to figure out how to deal with it.

  I started a pot of coffee and against my better judgment, I grabbed her purse. I wasn’t going to go through it – I just wanted to find out what I had to do next to help take care of her. I figured if Lynne was there, she would approve of the action.

  I sighed as I flipped through the different booklets. I never thought I would care so much for a woman who didn’t care for herself. She thought that not eating was a means of control, not knowing that that meant she was putting herself in harm’s way.

  But, I couldn’t argue with her over this. I was already there to get her out of the hospital, now I had to figure out what was next. Even having her here in my father’s town was enough to get us both in trouble. Big trouble. I knew that was a risk when I brought her, now I had to deal with that, as well.

  With a sigh, I waited until the coffee pot filled completely, then I made two cups of coffee. Cream and sugar in both. If she didn’t like it, she would just have to deal with it because she had to have the calories at this point.

  With the coffees in both my hands and balancing the pamphlets in my elbow, I made my way back to my bedroom. This was the first time in my life I’d had to go anywhere this way. So many times in my life I was fucking a chick and had her leave.

  Sure, I might give her a cup of coffee before she went, but never did I think I was going to be carrying medical pamphlets with me with the intent of not only figuring out how I could help this person in my bed, but how they could get professional help, as well.

  “Hey,” I said as I walked in. Vanessa was sitting propped up on the pillow.

  “Hey,” she replied with a smile. “I bet you didn’t think you were going to end up being the second hospital, did you?”

  “I didn’t think you were going to be up this early, that’s what I was thinking,” I said.

  “It’s nearly noon,” she observed.

  “And, you were up late,” I retorted.

  “My father is going to be pissed. Not only did I fuck up going to the charity, but I checked out of the hospital,” she said.

  “Not worried about it,” I lied. “My dad already told me how he felt about me not being at the charity, and I got that handled. I’m sure you can do the same with your dad.”

  “I bet you didn’t tell him about the fact you had the daughter of his most hated rivals in your bed,” she challenged.

  “I told him to fuck off, it’s my life,” I said as I kissed her on the forehead. “Now, you drink that while we figure out what’s good for breakfast.”

  “I’m sure you wouldn’t find it funny if I told you I’m not hungry,” Vanessa volunteered.

  “That’s natural, according to this,” I said as I pushed a pamphlet toward her. I wasn’t sure how much she knew about the eating disorder she had, but I was going to be firm in pushing the medical advice forward. I agreed with her friend on this one. Vanessa had to get help, and I was going to be one of the advocates for that help.

  “I’m not sure anything is natural when it comes to this,” she argued. I sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy. I knew that from the start. But, I didn’t want to argue with her about things that were stupid to argue about.

  “What can I do to help?” I asked suddenly. I had an idea. She clearly cared what I thought, and she was going to do everything in her power to make me happy. That was something I h
ad been picking up on since the moment I walked into the hospital and saw her reaction.

  If she really wanted me that badly, then I could take advantage of that and turn it in her favor. I wasn’t going to let her sabotage herself any longer.

  “I guess you can just encourage me to eat. Tell me, in fact. Because I won’t if you don’t,” she said. “At least, until I can get to rehab, I’m going to need you to do that for me.”

  “If that’s what you need from me, then I’m more than happy to do it,” I said quickly. “I’m not going to let you waste away like I’ve seen my others do.”

  “A lot of people have told me that, but you have no idea how few people really act on the fact they say they are going to help me,” she said. “I need someone who is really going to be there and not let me get away with not eating. I mean, I know that at the end of the day it’s my choice and not yours, but if you could tell me straight that you aren’t happy with the fact that I’m not eating, I’ll eat.”

  “I’ll be that person,” I said. I meant it, and I hoped that she meant what she said, too. But, I knew that that wasn’t going to change the fact I was going to push her into rehab, just like her friend. She promised her friend she was going to tell her which rehab she wanted by the end of the night.

  As much as it sucked, I was going to require the same thing.

  Silence fell over the room as we both sipped on our coffees. I wished Vanessa would say something, or that something would come to mind for me to say. But, nothing seemed quite right. I glanced over her way and noticed she was about to cry.

  This had to be harder on her than she was letting on. God, it had to suck, and I had to be the one to shoulder the pain with her. I hoped I was good enough. I prayed that I was able to take the pain she felt and help her move through this, even with her father on her back and the other shit she had to deal with.

  I sighed, crawling higher on the bed and putting my arm around her. Beyond anything, I wanted to be there for her. But, I wasn’t sure quite how.

  I knew I would give it all that was in me. This woman was worth it. I knew that without a shadow of a doubt. I pulled her close, kissing her forehead. “I know this is happening fast, all this shit between you and me, but I can handle it, okay? You just need to trust me.”

  For a brief second, Vanessa pulled away from me and looked me straight into my eyes. “What about your dad? What about my dad? We both know this is going to end in WWIII.”

  I shrugged. For the first time in all of this, I saw we had way more bigger issues to deal with than what our fathers thought about the situation. Besides, at the end of the day, my father was running an MC. That was hardly anything compared to the shit that I’d gone through before.

  “I’m a Navy SEAL,” I said. “I’m pretty sure I can handle a pair of angry dads.”

  She smiled. It was a tired smile, but a smile that held hope. Way more hope than what I had seen out of her over the past couple of weeks. I’d take it. With a nod, she leaned her head against my shoulder.

  She trusted me, and I was going to do anything in my power to make sure I was worthy of that trust.

  20

  Vanessa

  Zach rose from the bed and gathered the pamphlets without a word, making me feel even more uncertain. I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want to make this situation worse than it already was. But, at the end of the day, the fact of the matter was that I was on my way to rehab and our fathers were going to hate us and each other when they found out that he and I were together.

  I knew a large part of the reason I had relapsed was due to the fact that I was under more stress than I knew what to do with. It was one thing that we’d talked about when I was in therapy and something that I knew I had to deal with now. But, when I fell in love with Zach, I felt torn.

  Not only was I dealing with the stress of falling in love with someone I knew I shouldn’t, I had to also deal with the fact I knew my father was going to flip his shit when he found out. He was going to be more pissed than I could handle, that was for sure, but I couldn’t stop myself.

  I didn’t want to stop myself, and I wasn’t sure what to do with that feeling.

  “You hungry?” Zach asked. It was the first he’d said in regards to my eating anything, and I nodded. It was a lie, really. I wasn’t actually hungry, and I didn’t want to put anything in my body.

  There was a dark side of me that was almost happy with the attention that I’d gotten from ending up in the hospital again. But, at the same time, I didn’t want to be the girlfriend who needed to be taken care of. I didn’t want to be the daughter who had to be watched lest she ended up dying. I wanted more than that for myself and more for the people in my life.

  Even Lynne didn’t need to have a best friend she was worried about all the time. I wasn’t sure how I was going to reconcile that in my life, I just knew that I had to make sure I got my shit together.

  Zach left the bedroom, leaving me to think over things for myself. I knew his father was pissed that he missed the ride that morning. But what was worse was the fact that my father not only knew that I missed the ride because of my own stupidity, but I was now checked out of the hospital.

  He and my brother both would be pissed when they found out, and I wasn’t sure what I’d tell them. I had to talk to them. The last thing I wanted was for my father to call the cops because I was missing. I knew I was fine, but he didn’t, and Lynne wouldn’t be any help to that fact.

  If he called the cops, then it was just a matter of time before they came knocking, and the last thing I wanted was for Zach to be caught up in some sort of legal thing on my part. Even if we cleared his name and let them know that I wasn’t missing, his father would be sure to hear about the fact that the cops were at his place.

  Or worse, that I was.

  Zach returned shortly, the toast on a plate with a second beside it, both on a tray with the coffee pot between them.

  I was surprised to see a large bowl of soup between the plates of toast as well.

  “What’s this?” I asked.

  “The booklet said that you were more likely to eat soup and toast than anything else,” he said with a shrug. “I thought if that was the best way to get you to eat, then I’d give it a shot.”

  I wanted to cry. I could see now how much he was trying to make me happy. Not only that, but to get me to be healthy. He didn’t want to see me starve myself, and he was going to do what he had to in order to make sure I didn’t. Just like my father, but in an entirely different way. Here was a man who cared about me for me. He wanted me to be alright, but he wanted to do it the right way.

  I dipped the toast in the soup and took a bite with a smile. “Thank you.”

  Zach nodded and turned back to his phone. I knew he had to be dealing with a lot of shit from his father, and I dreaded turning on my own phone. But, at last, I decided it was the right thing to do. My father had to know the truth by now, and if I was going to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid, I was going to have to let him know I was alright.

  I wasn’t surprised to see all the missed messages from both him and my brother. They ranged from being angry with me for checking out of the hospital to being disappointed in me for relapsing. The last of them were again angry with me for not answering or telling them where I was.

  With a sudden urge to come clean, I called my father. I could see by the look on Zach’s face he wasn’t sure if that was the best idea, but I didn’t care. I loved him, but I had to let my father know that I was not only fine, I was better than ever, and I didn’t want him to interfere.

  I wasn’t surprised when he answered on the first ring. “Where are you?” he demanded.

  “That’s none of your business, Dad.”

  “You check out of the hospital after you practically get yourself killed, that sure as hell is my business!” he snapped. “Do you know how fucking hard it was for me to ride that road today not knowing where you were?”

  “I’m sorry I
wasn’t there,” I said. “But I had to do what was right for me, and that’s what I did.”

  “Where are you?” he demanded again. “I can’t believe you would just up and disappear like that. You know I only want the best for you.”

  I wanted to argue. If he wanted the best for me, he wouldn’t treat me as though I were a mental patient. But, I wasn’t going to argue with him. I wanted to just wrap up the conversation and move on with my day. Zach was looking at me with concern in his face, and I knew he didn’t want me to argue with my father, either.

  There were more important things on my plate then me or my father being right about what was going on with me, we both knew that.

  “Dad, I’ve got to go. All you need to know is that I’m safe, and I’ll see you again soon, okay?”

  “You say that, but how do I know that it’s true?” I couldn’t read the tone in my father’s voice. There was part of me that thought that he might be upset, but there was another part of me that thought he was once again just trying to get the upper hand in my life. I didn’t want to argue with him any further. I just wanted to move on with my day.

  “I’ll tell you what,” I said. “I’m going to check into a rehab on Monday morning, and I’ll let you know when and where that is, okay?”

  “Do you promise?” He seemed almost willing to back off if I told him straight that I was going to be okay. I wanted to make him promise that I didn’t have to see my brother again, but that wasn’t anything I wanted to get in to right now.

  I knew Vance would be gone soon enough, and I didn’t have to point out to my father that I wanted it done sooner rather than later.

  “I promise,” I said. I wrapped up the conversation and hung up the phone, saying nothing to Zach when I did. He was also silent, lying on the bed next to me. I wasn’t sure if he was able to hear my father’s side of the conversation. I often had my phone turned up so I could hear when I was in the busy greenhouse.